Sunday, March 19, 2006


I think I've figured out why I've been such a grumpy old cuss the past six months or so. It's a simple case of my life being out of balance. Between juggling my entrepreneurial pursuits, buying a new house, selling the old house, a dearth of paying acting jobs, etc., my life is just plain out of whack.

I'm not saying my problems are worse than anybody else's, it's just that I've generally supported the insanity of an acting career (which I very definitely want) by having an exceptionally stable Rest of My Life. And generally it's been somewhat self-correcting — unlike acting, I tend not to engage in activities that don't have a fairly certain payoff or benefit and, except for my marriage or family relationships of course, I drop those things from my life that start to go sour.

Except, recently, I haven't beeen able to do that. Houses, for instance, don't just sell themselves according to how badly you need the money, and credit card companies don't take "I'm a Bohemian living a life less ordinary," as an excuse for getting your credit card payment in late. Cue the pathos, cue the self-serving righteousness, cue the crabbiness. And, since a diary gets double-barrels of whatever emotional extreme I'm serving, my posts seem lately to have been more yang than yin.

Had a night shoot last week. Nice to be among the normally abnormal again. Also have a few jobs in the booth lined up for next week. I'll try to break with recent tradition by just embracing those for the good they represent, rather than trying to qualify them by stating any perceived downside (e.g., "Hey, I've just been elected President! On the other hand, half the world wants to kill me...")

Maybe I just need a slap upside the head...


Anonymous said...

take it from someone who has been where you have been and back a couple of times, you will ALWAYS need acting and the insanity it brings to your life. You can fool yourself into thinking that a stable life and a regular paycheck is what your soul needs, but the truth of the matter is has probably touched you very deeply as some point in your life and this is the essennce of the seed that lives within you. At times I have been at a point where I hate the business and everyone in it, but on the flip side, the notion of never having this craziness ever again in my life is unnacceptable to me.

Evan said...

And of course I agree. Had I wanted a stable life and a regular paycheck I wouldn't have married an actress and quit my temp job to become self-employed. It's very nice to be validated, however, by someone who has been there and back a couple of times.

Of course, I do wish I had a regular paycheck regardless — it's just that folks expect you to WORK for it these days. (People can be so unreasonable...)

Anonymous said...

I guess the other thing I've learned that has helped me is that if you are in this with any expectation of anything other than the joy of the craft and working the tools of an actor you are sunk...any success that comes your way should be an afterthought to the notion that you always have to strive to never give up the journey of working the craft.

I distinctly being in a position where
I opted for the "normal" life and after a while I was like "what the hell am I doing"? It happens to learn to accept that the "business" side of things is often one of the most brutal and cold aspects of society with some truly disturbed people...